My grandparents loved a sing-song. One of their favourites that still sticks with me is this one:
It’s a happy tune about being busy and working hard, but at trivial little things. Like waking the sun up, or watching the river to make sure it doesn’t stop.
I always thought this was nonsense when we sang it. How can you “be busy” doing nothing? To me this was a song sung by people who were wasting time when they could be doing anything else.
But it means something a bit different to me now. Because when you live and work in a world that’s constantly pressuring you to optimise your time, planning in and focusing on your downtime is a form of resistance.
JOMO
The Joy Of Missing Out. The euphoria of declining to engage with something you know won’t be good for you. I still find it challenging to say no to things, especially if they’re like a one-time event, but I’ve learned the hard way that sometimes I have to say no.
I am an introvert so it’s very easy for me overextend then lose several days recovering due to burnout. It’s fine every now and then, but last year I was doing this most weekends, often with no actual recovery time. It was bad.
But I’m realising that in turning down the 4/10 events I can come to the 8/10 events with all of my heart and energy. And I’m finding it a lot easier. I also get more downtime to spend alone on my hobbies, which is a joy in itself.
Another thing I’ve learned the hard way is that how I’m filling my free time does matter.
Starving the beast
I know I’m not the only one that feels like the ecology of the internet has crumpled. Social media feeds that are no longer about being social but about doomscrolling through anger-inducing garbage. Adverts and AI slop and cookies and clickbait and scams and snake oil.
It has been hard but I am peeling myself away from the shittier parts of the internet. I never signed up for this, and I am making a conscious choice to spend less of my time engaging with it. Why should I? What is in it for me?
Instead I am reconnecting with offline and physical things. I am playing more Switch games (not that I wasn’t already playing a lot!) and reading more books. I started a journal again after dropping the habit in 2024 and I’m really enjoying it again.
We get our energy from the things we put energy into, and I am choosing to focus on the activites I know bring me the most recovery. Plus there’s a certain smugness that comes with being ignorant! Of being plugged completely into yourself and not following whatever shiny garbage is currently in vogue. Or not being spooked by every news headline.
Not to say that it’s easy. Technology has been optimised to be addicting. The people who designed these things have been paid so much money to make sure you can’t stop using them. In stepping away from the zeitgeist, you’re fighting a double resistance; one from your tech and another from society.
Potential
As someone who was highly successful in school I still wear the battle scars of potential. “You can do anything”. “You got the highest score in the class”. “You are so talented”. All of the adults around me praised me constantly for my ability, and there were clear and objective ways to see how well I was doing.
All of that disappeared once I left education, but that pressure to succeed remained. I fought for a long time to find the right ladders to climb, to prove that I’d lived up to my potential. That I wasn’t disappointing anyone.
And it’s only in the past few years that I’ve been able to climb down from that. I am doing well. I have learned a lot and the work I do as an engineer is empowering. I have created articles and videos that have impacted many people in their own lives and careers. And I’m finding my own voice and opinions and using them for good things!
I am genuinely proud of what I’ve achieved. Yes I still have so much left to do, but I will get there at my own terms! Until then, I will be here, finding things not to do.